I think it’s safe to say that growing up in a multicultural place like London has its pros and cons. For me the cons outweighed the pros. I realised from a young age that it was harder to attain the grades I wanted because I was worrying about the levels of noise and distraction around me in my large household situated in a busy crowded neighbourhood. When you grow up making sacrifices for family and compromise your own success you learn a new kind of altruism which is actually why I loved growing up poor.
The main frustration I had as someone from a background like mine was the lack of cultural capital. Yes. My parents did not have the knowledge of how to navigate the education system to their children’s advantage and this stood out to me all the time. When it was time to go to university I truly believed I was making the best choice. I would finally compensate for my family’s lack of education and cultural awareness. But that feeling has now eroded away and I find myself more empowered than ever. Believing in your differences as strengths can have powerful effects on your self esteem.
Since graduating in 2017 doing English and suffering from a mental health breakdown I now realise that I can only depend on myself. I’ve become less hopeful about my degree and more hopeful about using my innate skills which span writing, speaking and spirituality. Finally, at 23 years of age I realised that family, community and self empowerment are the true harbingers of success. A degree can only give you so much in practice and that was my key frustration: it was all theory for me.
Anyone who studies English knows we love being pompous and making the odd Shakespeare joke but I am not here to be liked. I just want to expose a few things. One is that there are far too many ignorant people who do not understand that everyone doesn’t share the same occupational, social and cultural milieu and so my seminar room was a hotpot of nerves and embarrassment. I was probably the only working class person there. The sheer gap between higher education and classes was noticeable to say the least and so this meant that I tried to be even more cultured and not talk in my normal dialect. What stupidity?
Flash forward now and I proudly talk in a ghetto accent because I do not want to fit into any category. I am who I am and no amount of degrees will change that. What I have learnt is that sometimes we let external things like academic success define us and we forget that we can depict any version of ourselves. Society is like a mirror – whatever you show it it will reflect back at you. And so I have become more confident being a Pakistani, Muslim female from a working class background.
When I put all those labels on myself it reassures me that I have not forgotten my identity and how I need to know who I am before stepping out into the world. I choose to create my own standard.
Will to life 